plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
where are my eyebrows?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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