im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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