i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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