She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize