im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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