i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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