Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
