You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
