True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
