i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
