Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
