i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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