You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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