i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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