I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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