That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
