Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize