Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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