so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
