Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
operation harelip BJ is a go
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
