Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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