Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You're like the curious george of whores
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
