either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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