I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
