they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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