So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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