mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
