he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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