i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
