Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
