lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
