On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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