you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize