i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
