The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
