really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
