She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
