he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
