Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
