We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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