HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
