NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
