While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
