He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
