I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
