There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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