omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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