apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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