The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
