dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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