I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
