I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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