Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
