I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
