You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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