We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
