Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
