booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
