So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Dry spell is over and now Iβm drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
Itβs a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
