What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
