Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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