I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
