my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
