I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
