she woke up with a sticky ear
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
