mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
