Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
