I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
