I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
do herpes really smell.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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