There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
