Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
